DOUGSERVATIONS

BOOK 'EM DANNO!

2012-01-27T08:11:00.000-08:00

So, I had class last night. PC Hardware/Software repair. My computer was giving me fits and I was there until the bitter end. While I was in school, the rain had turned to a slushpile. No big deal. My bike has those cruiser tires so the ride from the station to home wouldn't be that big of a deal.
So, I leave the station, turn right towards Martin Luther King, Jr. park and take a side street that runs behind Park Street Market.
That was when the cop car headed right towards me and blocked my path. Now, it is my personal opinion that most cops are crazy. Who else would take a job where being shot at is in the job description? Anyway, this little guy gets out to inform me that riding at night without a light is against city ordinance. So is not shoveling your sidewalks yet we stood near at least three businesses that were flaunting that particular ordinance and he wasn't hassling them.
So, here we are, standing in the slush while he decided to run my ID to see if I'm a wanted felon or some such nonsense. I know he thought he was looking out for my welfare. He even told me that people had been hit by cars recently on their bikes. I assumed those would be the bike riders I see on a daily basis that are oblivious to their surroundings. I am so paranoid by cars that I have developed a spidey-sense about them.
So, in the end, I got to be half an hour late to getting home in the dark and the slush and have learned a valuable lesson;
Always bring a flashlight on my bike rides.
Oh, and a final note, this is downtown Kalamazoo where the streetlights are bright enough to simulate daylight and the only people on the roads were me and cops.

Deep Breath, aaaand, go!

2012-01-23T10:15:00.000-08:00

Alright. I went into today in panic mode. I was sure that my financial aid was going to be cut off. I wouldn't get to finish my degree and there were things that wouldn't happen if the money didn't come in like Cinema Wasteland and Waltzmaas.
Then I got to school early and had the best possible morning.
I didn't get coffee this morning.
They had coffee and red velvet donuts I might add.
I had the nicest counselor named Cody. She was great. She also gave me a couple of really nice news tidbits;
One, if I retake a class I can have the other grade wiped out. This will do a great job with my GPA.
The other thing;
Besides my business internship, I only have two more classes to get my degree!
I thought that was awesome!
So, in the end, I came into this expecting the worst. even the weather is cloudy and gray and the snow is melting and looks all dirty. I figured I was doomed.
Seems I was wrong on many counts. So, now I must go write HTML for a class I thought I wasn't even going to get to finish.
Thanks, Jesus. Thanks for turning this day around for me and especially thanks for the coffee and red velvet donuts. That was a nice touch.

Just realized...

2012-01-22T15:41:00.000-08:00

...I haven't been here in a couple of weeks. What's been up? What's going on? Inquiring minds want to know! Anyway, tomorrow, I have to go to the college and beg for my financial aid money. Apparently I am taking too long in getting my degree and they want to yank the fundage. Of course they couldn't tell me that before I started the semester.
All my teachers are cool and I would like to finish the semester. I have some big ceramics projects in the works and would like them to be done. I'll know more on Monday and report back here. I will also be starting back up at Gunaxin, a men's magazine online. Mostly humorous stuff, but it does actually pay money which is good. I'll post links to my stuff as it appears.
I am also looking for employment. Anyone know anything be sure to contact me at this blog.

More tomorrow.

Smell that?

2012-01-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

That's the smell of a burning bridge. Get it? You will in a minute.

I applied for the position of Customer Service Representative - Print Production for a company that shall remain nameless (SCHAWK! INC.), the exclamation mark is their idea. For over five years my position was...wait for it...Customer Service Representative - Print Production.

They sent me a letter that I quote:

'Thank you for your interest in employment with Schawk, Inc.! We appreciate you taking the time to apply online for the Customer Service Representative-Print Production position.

Although you have an impressive background, we have decided to move forward with candidates who are more closely aligned to what we need in this role.'

You see the line that says 'closed aligned to what we need in this role' ?

I have actually done this job! This exact same job for two different companies! I don;t know how I could be anymore 'aligned' to this job.

Oooo! Maybe they meant alignment like in Dungeons and Dragons? Maybe they needed someone Lawful Good and I came across as more of a Chaotic Good kind of guy. Maybe that's it. Beats me. I actually was so dumbfounded that I wrote the corporate people of Schawk! (Once again, the exclamation mark is their idea, not mine)

So, I expect to wait a week before I send off another missive to learn what I could have done instead of doing the exact same job they were hiring for.

I'll keep you posted.

So...

2012-01-02T16:49:00.000-08:00

Anyway, we got a lot of snow dumped on us yesterday and today. I was supposed to go do job training for this tax place today. I rode my bike to Alamo Rd. waited for the us and got to the place in record time. They seemed pretty nice.
Then I spotted one of the job packets.
Seems they left out the part where I was going to have to cough up 65 bucks for a license of some sort. Does it seem wrong that I have to pay to work somewhere? I told them I was flat broke for the foreseeable future and hit the trail out of there. Luckily, I got a bus in the time it took me to get to the bus stop and made it back home in no time at all. So, out three bucks for the bus and now I can't use the training time on my FIP sheet for the last week of no school. So, forty job searches coming right up!
Sheesh!

Job Hunting

2012-01-01T08:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, as I mentioned previously, I have to find a job. Why? Well, unemployment went bye bye and the new FIP program is slowly making me crazy.
Here are my problems with this whole job search thing;
One, for every job that I apply for, 1000 other people out of work are probably also applying.
Two, people have a beard prejudice.
Really! It's true! I can see it in their eyes. They fear the awesomeness of the beard or are worried that it will leap from my face and strangle the living crap out of them. For reference purposes, here is my beard:

Magnificent, ain't it? And, yes, this is how I dress for job interviews.
Finally, because of my previous work experience, people feel I am over qualified for many of the jobs I apply for. Look, people who I am applying with, I am just looking for a way to make money while I finish school. Got it? I am not there to become the eternal employee.
Hmmm, maybe they can sense this and that is working against me. Guess I will have to wear a tinfoil hat to all interviews from now on to block their mind reading machines.
They tell you it's used to scan UPC codes, but we all know better, don't we?
I have about a semester and a half to finish my degree. I am also signing up for Six Sigma Black Belt certification and will use that to bend people to my will and get them to pay me obscene amounts of money.
Ever wonder what Six Sigma training teaches you. Pay attention, I will give it to you in a nutshell;

Don't waste stuff.

There! You are now certified in Six Sigma, that will be five hundred bucks, please.

In the end, if you know of a place that is hiring a crazed, bearded, opinionated individual that does not fear the beard, let me know.

Love and kisses!

Okay, let's try this...

2011-12-30T15:15:00.000-08:00

In October I lost my unemployment. Roughly 1400 a month. Plenty of cash to pay the bills. No sweat. Then I signed up for FIP which is a little over 600 hundred bucks a month. A decided dip in the funding. It covers the bills, but barely if that. Anyway, one of the requirements of FIP is that I get all my teachers to sign a time sheet to prove that I have been in class. They are all pretty cool about it. So far. Three new teachers next semester to see how that goes.
Anyway, when I'm not in school for these two weeks I have to do forty job searches a week. That's a lot. A lot of job searches. I think when next semester is over I may have to do volunteer work instead. That would be preferable at this point.
Anyway, here's what I plan on doing. These are my job skills;
Retail

Cooking
Baking
Printing
Customer Service

The last two jobs I had I lost for no other reason than downsizing. I am good at what I do. Oh and I write well. Not sure how that will work out, but I thought I would mention it.

Anyway, I'm going to post this on my Facebook account. If anyone knows of employment opportunities that I might be missing in the Kalamazoo area could they please forward this information to me?
That would be great.
I will be going to school in the Winter, but classes don't start until four each day, with the exception of Tuesday which is all day and I have all weekend, including Friday class free!
Thanks for all your support.
I know return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

EXPLETIVE DELETED NEIGHBORS!

2011-12-30T02:57:00.000-08:00

It comes as no surprise that my neighbors can be an irritant. Well, he can. She is pretty harmless. Crazy, but harmless. They have a dog named Molly. Molly is like the black colored version of our dog, Sweetie. The only difference is that Sweetie has better owners.
There I was, dear readers, sound asleep in my bed when Manny's grumbling along with Martha telling him to be quiet. This, through not fault of hers, woke me up. That was when I discovered the source of Manny's agitation. It seems that Molly was outside barking at God knows what.
AT FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING!!!
Jesus tells us that he only requires two things from us; One, that we believe that he is the one true way to God in Heaven and two, that we treat out neighbors as we ourselves would like to be treated. I'm pretty sure that we never left the dog on the porch to bark incessantly at absolutely nothing.
Part of the problem is that the IHS building across the street causes an echo to every sound nearby. So, when she barks, she hears a bark.
It's kind of like that Disney movie, Brother Bear where the two rams argue with their own echo. Funny, just not five AM funny.
So, I did what any reasonable person would do.
Oh, wait.
No, I didn't.
I put on my super cool lounge pants filled with words like 'Werewolf' and 'House of the Monster' all over them and a plain white t-shirt, you know the kind with the pocket and a pair of slippers and went downstairs. I grabbed by Navy blue Peacoat and went out to the treacherous driveway.
I waited patiently, it wasn't all that long, for Molly, who was sitting on their front porch, to bark.
I then shouted at the top of my lungs for her to shut up.
She barked, I shouted.
At first she responded, but eventually the tone in my voice told her to shut it.
If you know me I am capable of being very loud. Especially in a cold, December morning before dawn.
Hold on a second.
Okay, just wanted to check the temperature. It's 31 degrees outside and she is on a porch that is elevated fro the ground. With her thick coat I'm sure she's not cold. Just wanted to see if I should call animal control. Apparently not.
Anyway, where was I?
So, now I am wide awake. The dog seems to be quiet. Maybe they took her inside? No idea and don't care.
So, those two things that Jesus told me? Yeah, I'm good on the first one. Still working on the second one. Maybe I was helping my other neighbors on the street from the noise the dog was making?
Yeah, I'm going with that one.
I'm going to have a lovely cup of Italian roast coffee now.
Have an excellent day.

Here Is Your Wake Up Call

2011-12-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

It's December 25th. Jesus was born to save us from our sins. Yeah, you can disagree with this if you want, doesn't affect me one way or the other. That's how faith works.
But, that's not what this series of columns is about.
This is about the average person getting fucked over on a consistent basis.
Before we start you need to watch a movie. It's free and it's 1 hour and 44 minutes long.
It's called Fat Head and it gives you nothing but facts. Facts are hard to argue with aren't they?
Here's the link:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/196879/fat-head

Take the time to watch it and I will be back in approximately a week to discuss it. Please be sure to comment.
And this is just the starting point. I come across this stuff on a regular basis and feel that it is important to share.
So, have a great week. Watch the movie and meet me back here in about a week.

Um...

2011-12-02T14:11:00.000-08:00

So, Martha, Dan and I were off to the doctor's to get a copy of Dan's physical. He wants to get into wrestling in school. As we pull in the parking lot we see a couple of guys on top of another guy. One of the guys on top gave the guy on the ground two quick punches to the head. I immediately thought how unfair this was and was ready to leap into action. Then I realized that the three gentlemen still standing were cops and two of them broke off the fight and headed across the parking lot. The one still with the man down got him cuffed and got him up.
The man was a beast!
And he had been tazed!
So mad I forgot my camera.

Coming December 1st

2011-11-29T09:06:00.001-08:00

So...

2011-11-22T07:24:00.001-08:00

Come to find out I might not have to job search anymore for the FIP program. Seems a full boat at college and children at home qualifies me for just school. That would be fantastic.
On other news fronts, did I mention that I need a friggin' job!
Sorry for shouting, just tired of the nonsense.

WHAT?!?

2011-11-21T03:40:00.000-08:00

At least they didn't get shot.

And they really had to destroy a library?

I'm going to say this again. They are stomping on our rights and we as a people are letting them. Does anyone see the irony of the mayor of New York allowing a copy of Fahrenheit 451 to be destroyed? This will get worse before it gets better.
If we let it.

WIND!!

2011-11-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

For that word up there you need to visualize Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker's Dracula when he screams the line. Epic.
Anyway, Dandelion and I took a little bike ride to the library when she got home from school. Yeah, the wind was epic. Like that wind you see on old episodes of Gilligan's Island. We were pedaling, but not getting far, but we persevered.
At the library Dandelion went to the manga section as always while I read the new Justice League. Yeah, it stunk. Looks like a crappy Image comic.
Then it was off to Cafe Casa. I got a big steaming mug of dark roast while Dandelion went with the hot apple cider with caramel. You have to understand that the people who own Cafe Casa make their own caramel. It is magnificent. Put that in a steaming mug of apple cider and, suffice to say that Dandelion was happy.
Then back into the cold and windy, but the wind was behind us more this time so it wasn't nearly as bad.

BAM!

2011-11-08T18:20:00.000-08:00

So, I had to go to Michigan Works! today. Yippee! Anyway, there was a lot of police cars and fire trucks and whatnot. Seems someone went off the road and crashed into a house.
Yes I took pictures:

SPIDER!!!

2011-11-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

So, I'm doing the dishes when the kids come home. I'm putting away some of the clean ones in the infamous pots and pans cupboard. Delia is talking to me when all of a sudden she screams and runs out of the room. She comes back in, points and man, is her face red! She runs out again and comes back with Dandelion and Daniel. Yeah, then the screaming starts and the dog is barking and I still don't know what the fuss is all about.
Yeah, then I look at the cupboard door.
Man, that is one big spider!
It runs back into the cupboard and I get everything out. We decide that we must capture and photograph this beast or no one will believe us.
We get a little container and Dandelion is the brave one.
It is now resting in a fetal position.
Once it relaxes a bit I will take it outside somewhere far from the house and take pics to show the size of this beast. I'll use a coin or something for scale.

Really?...Wow!

2011-10-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, I was at the bus stop downtown. It's how I get out to the wasteland known as Texas Corners where the college is located. I get to blow three bucks on a single class. Organizational Behavior to boot. If you know me, then you realize the irony in me taking this class.
Anyway, there I am, listening to my podcast, minding my own business and this CHUD of a woman comes up to me.
"Hey, you need a ride somewhere?"
Really? Was it my close proximity to the bus stop that tipped you off?
It seems that she wanted to get some gas money so she was at the bus stop offering to give people rides. Yeah, kinda creepy.
Plus, what kind of money does she think she's going to make? I can get to the college and back on three bucks. Three bucks ain't gonna put much gas in whatever it is that she's driving. And how would I get back? IS she gonna come get me? I think not.
I explained that all I had was bus tokens and she shuffled off.
I swear, only in Kalamazoo and only to me. Well, and anyone else this 'person' solicited.
Do you think that anyone took her up on her offer?

Um, okay?

2011-10-12T03:32:00.000-07:00

So, I was on Facebook yesterday and someone, who shall remain nameless, was looking for a interview researcher. I thought this looked interesting so, I contacted them.
They explained what the duties were and I thought this would be a cakewalk as I also interview celebrities.
I asked about pay.
Big mistake.
See, I write for places that pay by hits. They pay by sending me flicks that I watch and then sell online. In a way they all pay.
This person said that no sites pay.
I corrected them.
They said it was all about the networking.
While that is partly true, it is not the end all and be all of writing.
Then they thought they would show me their mad skills and credentials by saying they have been doing this for the last five years.
I've been doing this since 1988.
They seemed to cop an attitude so, I politely ended the conversation and removed them from my friends list.
The last thing I thought was funny is that they Googled me while we were in mid chat and said they couldn't find me.
Funny, I can Google me and there are multiple hits for me on the first page.
I think Harlan Ellison said it best when he said you have to keep track of everything you write. It's yours and you did the work. Yes, I do write for free and on spec, but I rarely do it for some anonymous face on Facebook.
I think I need some coffee.

You know...

2011-10-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

...I have a very low tolerance for stupid. Yesterday I was doing an online interview with a bunch of other candidates. The position was for Customer Service Rep. I would be talking to customers for a four to five hour period of time 5 days a week. That's a lot of customers. Anyway, the people in the interview were talking and I'm pretty sure the minute one of them said 'Can I Axe you a question?" I would hang up on them. Lazy talking irritates the Hell out of me.
Like I said I have a low tolerance for stupid.
I ride the bus to and from school on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. The day classes, the bus is like a sardine can. I do find it humorous that people won't sit with me. I don't understand it. Here is this large, bald man with a huge, biker beard and a grin on his face. Who wouldn't want to sit next to me?
Anyway, today I was on the bus, in my seat and we get to one of the last stops before reaching the college. From time to time a woman gets on board with her little son and his stroller. Not one of those slimline strollers either. This is a Cujo sized thing and she always waits to get on the bus before folding it up. The little guy is very cute and always looks at everyone on the bus with wide eyed wonderment.
Today there were two guys standing near the front door of the bus. Seems neither one wanted to take a chance setting next to yours truly. One looked a lot like Samuel Jackson and gave off that arrogant attitude that Mr. Jackson gives in so many of his film roles. His friend seemed to give off the same vibe.
So, here comes the woman with her stroller. The little guy was already off the stroller and he ran up the stairs and tripped.
Mr. Jackson reached down and caught him like it was nothing. Stood there and held his little hand while his mother situated the stroller. The little guy just stood there holding his hand on the bus, interested in the hustle and bustle of the morning commute.
Remember how I said I have a low tolerance for stupid? It's things like this that I see go on on the bus more often than you might think that gives me hope for us. It gives me a little more tolerance for stupid and makes my day that much better.
All because the Sam Jackson guy did what was right without being told and that's what makes it better.

Anyway...

2011-10-07T03:11:00.000-07:00

...my unemployment is dust. I got the last check on Sept. 30th and have checked with the office.
There ain't no more.
I don;t think I'm asking for a lot here. Just a place that works with my school schedule and nets me about three hundred a week. I'm willing to work odd shifts and all, but no dice. Yesterday I had to take an aptitude test for a dishwasher position.
Really?
Sure, it was easy. The way to pass those things is to either absolutely agree or disagree. They don't want any wishy washy answers. I have been advised by my friends to write and start my own business. Today the lovely Martha and I will take pictures for the dog toy concept she has come up with. I think it's pretty cool and people love to spoil their doggies.
I have also been writing two scripts at the same time. One for a horror comedy, Gingersquatch and one for Warlock Video entitled Dead Skin. Not sure what, if any revenue these will bring in, but they are good exercise.
The Michael Legge book is three chapters away from completion and then that will hit Create Space. Not sure what they will do financially, but a few people will buy the book.
Maybe that will be my best seller.
I had contemplated finishing the Stripgenerator strip; The Weird World of Flan, but I have fun with that and people read it. Plus, I want to see how long I can stretch out the whole non story concept. Besides, I have unresolved plot contrivances with Corporal Weinerbreath a.k.a. Mini Goat.
So, in the meantime, I am trying to get something called FIP to pay the bills while I continue on the oath of either gainful employment or self sustenance.
Wish me luck people and I will keep you posted.
This is Douglas Waltz and I am out of here.

I looked...

2011-09-20T04:27:00.000-07:00

...for leprous, ghost pirates and thankfully came up with zilch.

THE VODKA BUSH!

2011-09-19T06:34:00.000-07:00

So, I recently mentioned that I would be carrying camera with me at all times. See the previous blog entry for a full disclosure on why. I went the very next day to see if anyone had cleaned up the vodka bottles under the bush. I knew it would be still be there. Still no sighting of the sticker yet. Enjoy the pics.

From now on...

2011-09-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

...I will be carrying a camera with me at all times. Well, not in the house. Hmmm, maybe in the house. Not sure about that one.
Here's why.
Yesterday I went to class. Organizational Behavior and Ceramics 2. One class I tolerate, the other is my favorite. I leave you to guess which is which. To get out to campus I ride my bike from home to downtown, lock up my bike and take a glorified sardine can passing itself off as a bus to the main campus way out in Texas Corners.
Now, I hate standing on the bus. I make sure I get there early and get a good seat. Not too far in the back or in the front. Dead in the middle. And I prefer the right side of the bus to the left. Why? No idea.
So, there I am, sitting on the bus, listening to my Tell 'Em Steve Dave podcast and looking out the window.
Parked at the light, alongside the bus is a beat up old Cutlass Ciera. It's tan, rusty and has seen better days. There is what I assume to be a couple in the front seat. Nothing standing out about either of them. Pretty nondescript kind of folks.
On the back of the trunk of the car is a small, about three inch square, sticker. It's white and scrawled on it in what can only be a child's handwriting is this;
"Dad Is Great!"
This, to me, was awesome and I was so kicking myself that I didn't have a camera. That picture would have been so much better than this story.
So, later, after class, I was riding home on the trusty Schwinn when I passed this small bush next to the sidewalk. Under it were, and I am not exaggerating, seven or eight tiny paper bags, each with a half pint of vodka. It was like the bush was a vodka bush and the local winos had plucked it's glass encased fruit.
While I might never see the car again, I'm pretty sure I can get a picture of the Vodka Bush on Thursday. It's in a crappy part of town and no one cleans up over there. I am constantly dodging glass.
So, from now on I vow to take my camera with me whenever I leave the house.
There is just way too much interesting going on out there.

The clock is ticking

2011-09-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

Sept 30th 2011 is my last day of unemployment. Unless there is some sort of extension that I am unaware of I am screwed.
Currently I have two writing gigs, but neither of them are paying me a dime.
Yet.
I put in the applications, but with the full semester of classes I know that my only choice is going to be some sort of retail.
Looks like Walmart is where I am headed this week.
Sheesh!
The true light in this is that my Organizational Behavior class that I failed miserably online, Something that is totally the fault of the instructor, is a cakewalk in the classroom. Old school lecture, test, homework trifecta that I know I can pass with a little effort.
I have yet to see my accounting or holistic health teacher so who knows what pitfalls may lay in my path in the days to come.
Anyway, to sum it up. School doesn't suck...yet and still need a job.

Oh what a loverly weekend!

2011-08-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

Went to the Gillespie fortress yesterday. Ate mass quantities of pork and chicken and had some Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale. It was in a variety pack and very yummy. There was a card that also explained that August 31st, 2012 will be a Blue Moon.
I for one can hardly wait, because you know what that means?
A new Smurf will be born!
After we left the Gillespie fortress we headed over to Seann and Tabbie's and hung out, played with Izzy and Gavin and then got to walk home with Martha. It was a nice night for it and we live so close it was no biggie.
Definitely the perfect capper to the evening.
Today has been lots of walking. Went on a walk with Martha, Daniel, Sweetie and Manny. Stopped at Tila's for soda and ice cream before heading back. It's a little warm out there, but it makes me appreciate the air conditioning even more.
Tonight the new episode of Doctor Who is on.
Please God, don't let it be stupid.
You see, I've figured out what is bothering me about the Doctor Who reboot.
The original series had The Doctor go to these amazing places, do interesting things in interesting times. It was as much about the place as anything else. The new Doctor seems more, well Doctor-centric. More concerned with the character than what is going on and where he is. We don;t need to know that much about Doctor Who. We get it. He's a time lord and he is very old and mysterious.
Don't explain too much.
We really don't want to know.
We want adventures and fun. Give us that and we will be happy.
Very happy.
Have a fabulous remainder of a weekend.
And watch out for Irene.
I hear she's being a bitch.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nahhhh...

2011-08-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

...today is your birthday!
Well, not YOUR birthday. Well, maybe it is. Who knows? Anyway, today is my daughter Delia's 15th birthday. She had the presents, cake and fun last week so, this week is rather low key as far as that goes.
I can still remember when she was the little bald headed goofball with the cheesy grin.
Once, when we lived at East Main, I was in the computer room and out of the corner of my eye I saw those chubby little legs flying out of the kitchen like a maniac.
Curious, I went to investigate and I had left the crock pot on the stove.
Yup, she had turned the stove on and effectively fried the crock pot.
At least she didn't do what Dennis did. I had left chicken on the stove, still in its packaging. Dennis decided that he would help thaw the chicken by turning on the stove. There were these little flying specks of melted styrofoam in the kitchen for the rest of the day.
Now she's fifteen.
Got little kids?
Get on the floor and play with them right now.
Or you'll miss it.
Now, time to go give my daughter her birthday spankings.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2011-08-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

I was going to say, welcome to THE TRUTH, but then I realized something.
Each person has their own idea of what the truth is. Who am I to try and force my truth on you?
I did get an offer to do some writing for someone. It's a secret for now, but I look forward to telling everyone soon. Between this and the Kzoo Music Scene thing this should get my name out there. This will help in things that might actually turn into a monetary compensation kind of thing. That will be kind of cool.
And, through no fault of my own, my acting career seems to be taking off. Jon Kranz is starting a horror web series and he has a part for me in the second episode. No audition, just come do the part. Between that and when we finish The Barnslaughters, that gives me two parts. Maybe I'll have to see about an IMDB page in the near future.
The Legge book is closer and closer to completion. Taking a little longer than I like, but it will be done very, very soon.
As for THE TRUTH? Mine is that even Toys R US won't hire me at this point.
Sheesh!

Just A Quickie

2011-08-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Man, is that all you people can think of? Sex? Really?
Okay, enough.
A little word of wisdom. People who tell you that they have discovered this great way to make their fortunes and want to share it with you...ARE A LIAR!!
Think about it for just a minute. You luck on this concept that makes you huge amounts of cash. Sure, you might share it with close family and possibly friends, but strangers?
Not gonna happen.
Think about that when you get those emails and internet offers.
Not. Gonna. Happen.
I'm out of here.

New Day

2011-08-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

Alright, yesterday I got that off my chest so time to crank it up a notch.
I would like to address employers.
And before I get there remember I am discussing about 98 percent. I am allowing for that rare two percent who realize that human beings work for them.
They do not give a damn about you. Oh, they do care about you showing up for work. They like the money and they don't want to have to do the job themselves. They pay you as little as they can get away with. They want all the cash for themselves to be the snotty, rich dipstick that we all love to hate.
Employers wonder about work ethic and don't realize that they are the ones creating the negative work ethic.
You do realize that your employer would pay you less, but the law won't allow it. If they could, they would. End of story.
IN the employers perfect world you would work twice as much for half as much. There would be no such thing as overtime and weekends.
You would be there to feed the employer's machine of pure, unadulterated greed.
While I might have issues with certain aspects of government, the fact that they have even bothered to make sure that worker's have some rights, is commendable.
Well, expect for the whole 'At Will' thing.
'At Will' means that any employer in Michigan can fire you for no reason whatsoever. It's as simple as 'Hey you! Yeah, you're fired.'
Employers do not care about you. I cannot emphasize this enough.
So, what's the solution?
Win the lottery?
Open you're own business, with the ideal that you won't be that jerk employer you worked for?
Sounds good.
Until you are paying all the bills and those damned employees seem to think they should get paid as well.
I remember working for a restaurant many moons ago and the guy would offer to buy our checks from us. He gave us our paycheck and then had a stack of cash to pay you with.
Seems that he couldn't afford for us to go to the bank.
Worked for us and worked for him. He was actually a nice guy. Too bad the restaurant went under.
I have a single rule working for an employer;
Do not, under any circumstances, mess with my money. If it's payday and I don't get paid, I get angry. Incredible Hulk kind of angry.
I have done my fair share of jobs and this one rule has been tested at almost all of them. It's a power trip for the employer. They hold your life in their hands.
This is why I always say;
Employers don't care about you.
At all.
Unless you are that lucky two percent I mentioned earlier. If you are, I have one question;
Any chance you are hiring?

Time to hit it...

2011-08-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

and no, not a sexual reference. More of a 'hit the road running kind' of thing. It goes like this;
In 2009 I was told that my job no longer existed. That meant that people with less seniority, including a temp, got to keep their jobs while I was out. At first I really didn't care. They gave me my a nice severance check and I automatically qualified for unemployment. I figured it was time to go to school and get a business degree. Employers like them. For the most part, employers are idiots.
Then I discovered that school had become soooooo retarded. There were online classes. Now read that carefully. I said 'online' classes. Unfortunately, some teachers aren't bright enough to know what that means.
Why do we take online classes? No set schedule and no time to make it to school. These are excellent reasons for online classes.
Then why would they insist that certain things be done in a timely fashion and you will need to meet up with people and do group projects.
Group projects are the sign of a lazy teacher. Why should part of my grade depend upon some wet behind the ears kid who is younger than some clothes I own? It shouldn't and until they get this there is a certain university that should really stop offering what they jokingly refer to as 'online' classes.
Now, nearly two years later, I am quickly approaching the end of my unemployment benefits. I have a semester or two to complete my degree. Grants and things will help pay the bills for a while, but then what?
I recently started working as head editor and writer for Kzoo Music Scene, but that won't see money right away.
I am getting increasingly tired of job interviews and applications. These idiots known as employers would freak if I just came in there and said, 'Listen, I always showed up to work on time, did more than what was expected of me and the job left me. I never left the job.' They would think I am crazy. Hell, with the bald head and beard they probably think that anyway.
So, here is what I have decided to do. That's right, the long winded tirade was nothing more than the set up for this;
I like to do ceramics and am fair at it. My teacher has told me that the clay listens to what I have to say.
I am nearly finished with my Michael Legge book and that will at least sell a few copies. Hopefully, people will see what I see in Mr. Legge and it will do better. Who knows? Most people are sheep. Sheep don't read.
I am writing for a online magazine and that could eventually see gold and be a fruitful position. Not all my eggs are in this particular basket, but a lot of them like being there.
This leaves me with one choice;
To just go full freelance. Writing, art...you name it. Until one of these stupid employers decides that they see something beyond the Beard Of Doom (Thanks, Dan!) and hire me then I have no choice.
So, this blog has transformed again into what is going on and what is making me money.
Wish me luck, faithful readers.
I'm gonna need it.

And now...(drumroll please)

2011-08-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

...I have been named Head Writer and Editor of Kzoo Music Scene. Chris Falk started a similar one of these in Sarasota, Florida and it exploded. With the local music scene here in Kalamazoo, we should have excellent results here as well.
I am proud to have been given this position and look forward to starting in the very near future.

And it continues...

2011-08-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

...went to my second round of job interviews today. It seemed to go well as far as I can tell. They said that if I am going to hear anything it will be by the end of the week. And then I go to the final round of interviews and get a tour of the plant. Just the benefits alone coupled with a four day work week make this the greatest job alive.
Here's hoping.

MUCKMEN CD RELEASE PARTY

2011-08-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

So, I wasn't sure which of my blogs I should post this on. Divine Exploitation deals with strange films and the like, Penguin Comics does the comics and more mainstream films out there. That left. This one. It makes sense that since I am observing a musical event, that it should go here.
I got off to a late start and missed the first band. Someone said they were a blues group. Too bad. I like the blues.
I rode by bike to The Strutt and got it chained to a traffic sign. I went inside and was hit with a wall of humidity. I could feel the sweat streaming down my arms and I was a little surprised that sweat was dripping off my arms as well. I located one of the huge fans they had blowing throughout and froze the sweat on my body. Then I went off to bar for liquid refreshment.
The Strutt is designed where there is a front bar in the big room and there is a smaller room in the back that also has a bar. After waiting in the huge line in the front for about five minutes, I made my way to the back and got a lovely Pitch Black IPA to cool me down.
The next band is called Their Teeth Will Be Of Lions. Great name. Their lead singer wails like a female version of Mike Hard and all the band are insane when it comes to playing. It was a great sound. How great you ask? Well, since they had an album on vinyl, I bought it. And it's pink vinyl which is so cool. That's one that will get some consistent play time on the turntable.
During the break for The Muckmen to set up I found out that Stephanie and John Leiby of one of my favorite bands, Terror, Terror Oh My!, were there. See John plays for Their Teeth Will Be Of Lions. It was hard to tell since he was wearing a dimestore, plastic vampire mask the whole time. I chatted with them both and they promised me cassettes of their band when I go to see them at Louie's on the 18th of this month.
The Muckmen hit the stage and I have to tell you that I always like a band with a brass section. They reminded me of The Planet Smashers, which is great. Even with the humidity, the bands rocked and they all looked like they lost about five pounds each of sweat.
If I had had a few more bucks I would have gotten the Muckmen CD, but there was vinyl, man! All will fall before the might that is vinyl!
All in all, one of the best shows I have seen in quite sometime and it was at my favorite venue in Kalamazoo.

So, it's like this...

2011-08-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

...a couple of weeks ago I put in resume for this assembly job. Literally fifteen minutes later I got a call from the company and chatted with this guy. He took a few notes and we discussed things and he said they would get back to candidates that they liked.
About a week later I got a call that they wanted me to come in and fill out one of their applications and take a test.
The test was fifty questions timed at twelve minutes and I was informed that no one finished it.
The timer ran out and I missed one question.
They called me back the next day for an interview that will be next Tuesday.
In October of 2009 I was told that my position at Pitney Bowes had been eliminated.
Has it really been almost two years since I had a job?
Seems that way.

EEKKKK!!

2011-07-26T05:09:00.000-07:00

So, in the kitchen we have a fluorescent light bank. It's been there far longer than we have lived here and recently it started giving us trouble. The bulbs didn't last long and I was pretty sure it had given up the ghost.
My first thought was of replacement.
Then I remembered that we rent.
I contacted our landlady and she said she would get us a replacement.
Our logic was that if she bought something hideous then Martha and I would just go get what we wanted.
It's actually a nice little unit. It uses thinner bulbs, but is much brighter than its predecessor.

So, not wanting to electrocute myself, I got ahold of my buddy Mike Gillespie. He does maintenance work for an apartment complex and is wise in the ways of electricity.
The first thing was to take out the old light.
That was when he found the reason for the old light finally giving up the ghost;

Yup, that's a mouse. Seems he got to familiar with the transformer and he's the reason for it's demise. He had been dead for a little while, but not all that long. The evidence of droppings in the fixture told us that he had been using it for his little mouse condo for quite some time.
So, the new fixture is in place. The light has returned to my kitchen and I have to seriously consider whether or not our three cats are pulling their weight in the Waltz Compound.

Yeah, so...

2011-07-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

Martha and Dandy and Dan and I decided to go for a bike ride down to the library. This is a bike ride we have done dozens of time.
This one was so full of suck that it boggles my mind.
First, we get to the first section of the trail and I m missing Martha.
Seems she went back to get library cards.
Then, the trail intersects with actual roads four times. Patterson is always busy, but never this busy. And all of the intersections are busy.
What is going on here?
When we get to town one of the two main roads, Kalamazoo, I think. I have lived in Kalamazoo for decades and there are two one way roads that intersect down town. One is Michigan and one is Kalamazoo, but, for the life of me, I never remember which is which. Anyway, they dug this huge hole in one of the main intersections and traffic was a cluster.
One of my pet peeves is people who barrel through an intersection in their car even though the traffic is not moving. Then they block the other traffic. The light turned in our favor and we decided to get off our bikes and walk the crosswalk.
Some idiot in a red car was continuing through the intersection without looking in our direction.
I yelled, "Look up!" and about gave the person a heart attack. It's one thing to see people yelling at you, but I look like a viking or the biggest Tolkien dwarf you have ever seen.
I thought it was funny.
So, by the time we actually made it to the library we were pretty frazzled. The kids played on the computer and looked at books. Dandy checked out some manga. Martha checked out a book called One Hundred Demons and I read some comics from the rack.
Then it was time to go get ice cream sundaes.
By the way, we passed the intersection with the giant hole.
It was pretty impressive. Dan thought it was cool.

Yesterday...

2011-07-11T16:00:00.001-07:00

...I took Daniel and Dandelion to the beach.

I burnt my shins.

The Berries

2011-07-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, I live on Douglas Ave. in Kalamazoo. We have a huge yard and a privacy fence that covers two thirds of the place. The entire lot is on a hill. I don't really have a plat piece of yard anywhere. It's been nearly six years so I am used to it.
On the South side of the yard, next to the privacy fence is an abundance of black raspberry bushes. I have harvested quarts of berries over the years.
Our lot goes up a hill and is mostly wild overgrowth and woods. In the Winter it's a hike to get up the hill, but we tend to overlook the whole business in the summer. Too many pricker bushes and mosquitoes.
I got a trimmer this year and decided that we should be able to hike up the hill in the summer if we wish. Now, it's an electric trimmer so it only goes so far, but I am making progress.
In my hacking through the underbrush I discovered a couple of black raspberry bushes.
Today was different.
I broke through a particularly rough growth of underbrush to discover what could only be referred to as a black raspberry orchard!
They go as far as the eye can see.
Tomorrow I will go up armed with bug spray, but today I got two pints without even trying. I plan on making some wine in the near future.
Wish me luck.

So, About This Job Hunt Thingie...

2011-06-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

Yeah, didn't get that call from Ambassador Books. My dream job apparently belongs to someone else. I think from now on when I go to an interview I will explain that my last three jobs were yanked out from under me. That I would still be at said jobs except for the whole yanking thing. I think I might use a different word than yanking, however.
This has become extremely discouraging. Martha says that the job for me is out there somewhere. I'm pretty sure it is, but someone else is doing it.
In the meantime, school is almost over for the kids, the summer is on it's way and I can see lots of bike rides and trips to the library and grilling. Lots and lots of grilling.
Life is good it's just the job market that sucks.

And The Job Hunt Continues...

2011-06-09T04:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my job interview with Ambassador Books. I would be the assistant manager of the Everest Institute bookstore. My interviewer was Paul. Great guy and we talked for about an hour and ran through my experience that would make me the perfect candidate for the job. It's a salaried position where I would work about 24 hours a week, be on call for Fridays and no weekends. The pay is exactly what I am looking for.
Paul was up front and honest. He said he would know what he was going to do by Friday. So, I wait for tomorrow and hope that he gives me that call.
I'm getting sick of looking for work.
I am also tired of seeing places re advertise for positions that I interviewed for. If they had hired me they wouldn't be having this problem.
Oh well.
The heat wave went away in the night and the air is cool, the coffee is brewing and I am waiting for this bookstore to call me either today or tomorrow.

Stuff and things

2011-06-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

A couple of things that I forgot to mention from my ill fated trip to Uncle Ed's;
First, I thought it would not look professional to take my floppy, straw hat to the interview so I didn't wear a hat of any kind.
I got burnt. It sucks.
Also Western Michigan University is know for it's bizarre parking situation. You are assigned a lot and that's where you park no matter what. I passed one that looked like something out of a post apocalyptic movie and there were two parking spots. That was it! Two of them! Crazy, huh?
So, today it is pretty hot, but Delia, Dandelion and I biked downtown to the bi annual book sale that is hosted by Kalamazoo Library. You fill a bag for two dollars. I situated myself by the Science Fiction table and waited for 9AM. I got a load of books! Pretty happy with all of my acquisitions. If you go to The Groovy Age of Horror I posted what I got. Yeah, no link, just look it up. Stop being lazy.
It seems that the three cats in the house can't seem to catch the mouse with the coaxial cable addiction in our bedroom so we put the wireless router downstairs for now. I may need to go on a mouse hunt.
Visualize Christopher Walken for this part. That's probably pretty close.
So, yesterday I put in an application for an assistant bookstore manager. Seems it's the bookstore for Everest University. That's cool. Not the bookstore I envisioned, but they will pay me what I asked for for salary. My interview is Wednesday.
Pray for me.
So, I am surrounded by classic science fiction, the computer works again and I am off to watch El Superbeasto for the umpteeth time.
Have an excellent weekend.
Seeya!

THE JOB HUNT CONTINUES...

2011-06-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

Wow! Two posts in one day. Anyway, I had an appointment for an interview at Uncle Ed's Oil Shop. Yeah, no big deal. I checked Google maps and it's 4.2 miles one way. Easy ride for me. Especially so since they put in that bike path that snakes through Western Michigan University and gets me past a really crappy stretch of Stadium Drive. I noted as I rode that there were a couple of hills that on the way back would make for smooth sailing home.
So, I leave the house at Noon. Yeah, too early. I stopped at Bigby's and had a small Mocha Java to kill some time. Then, to make myself look good I got there about ten minutes early. They weren't busy and I located the manager. He gave me an application and I filled it out.
Then he asked me the question;
Seems company policy is you need to be clean shaven.
He couldn't ask me that before I filled out the application???
I don't have a two day growth of stubble working here, folks. It's pretty obvious it's here to stay. When he asked me if I would shave it for the job I laughed. A good old, Santa Claus style belly laugh. I might have laughed a little too loud.
He smiled shook my hand and I was off back to the compound.
I was right about the hills. They were magnificent.
My route takes me not only through Western Michigan University but also Kalamazoo College. It's a pretty campus and I always take a shortcut through their grounds department. It also has a nice hill.
On my way out to Uncle Ed's Oil Shop I noticed that things were a bit hectic in the parking lot so I was going to go around on the way home.
Then I saw some youngster in a gold cart driving like he was Mario Andretti back to the grounds department.
He hit the curb, bounced the golf cart and lost a rake and a pair of goggles in the road. I went past them without intending to stop.
It seemed a bit dickish so, I turned around and retrieved the items and gave them to one of the guys working.
He seemed grateful.
The rest of the ride was rather uneventful ecept when my bike chain slipped and I noticed that one of the screws holding my bike seat together was gone.
Grrrrrrrrrr!
And the job hunt continues!

And...

2011-06-02T04:03:00.000-07:00

...I have been on the job hunt. The other day I went to an interview at Tiffany's. Tiffany's is a high end upscale liquor store that also specializes in gourmet food. This would be the best job in the world for me. I would truly love to work at Tiffany's.
Probably not gonna get that one. :0(
I put in an application at Portage Wine Cellar yesterday. My buddy Stew works there so my chances might be a little better. The commute is going to be no fun, but it would be a fun job.
Today I have to go to Uncle Ed's Oil Shop. No, I won't be in the pit. I'll be the customer service fella. This one has the best benefits of the three and it's close. Not Tiffany's close, but pretty close.
We'll see how this goes.
Sigh.
Did I mention how much I hate job hunting?

A Week Off

2011-05-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, took a week off of the computer.
Did I miss it?
Not really.
Actually the only thing I missed was the immediate gratification of information. If I was watching a movie or something I could immediately look it up on the magical interweb and know everything I wanted.
I watched a lot of movies.
Worked on my Michael Legge book.
Became addicted to Dr. Horrible's Sing A Long Blog. Seriously, it has become an obsession at The Waltz Compound. It has played tens of times in the last seven days.
I was going to shoot an episode of Baron Morbid, but I like to cut those right away so, I opted out. We're going to do that today instead.
I didn't miss Facebook at all. There's this amazing thing called a telephone that you can call people and hear their voice. Better than that there is this invention called the automobile that will take you the houses of the people you know and you can see them in person.
It reminded me of a Bradbury story where everyone teleported from their front door to the front door of where ever they were going. Then this kid showed the main character what he and everyone else was missing by not going out doors.
Did a lot of yardwork and am digging up a spot to put in a garden.
No rototiller.
Just hand tools.
It's taking a little longer, but I think I will appreciate it more.
So, the Internet. Yeah, no big deal after all.
Well, except for this blogging addiction.

Anyway...

2011-05-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

We have three cats at our house; Pashmina, Coco and Socks. Pashmina walked right up to me as a kitten when I was walking home from work one day. She was a ball of fur and we didn't have a cat so, ta-dah! Instant cat. She's the laid back one of the bunch.
Coco was a present from my friend, Savannah. Coco was more high maintenance than she wanted so, we took her. As revenge, her current cat is more high maintenance than Paris Hilton.
Finally, there is Socks. Socks is our Christmas kitty. She was outside so I built her a little shelter and made sure she had food. She liked to growl a lot so we left it at that. There was no mention to the kids, of course, and that was how it went.
Until Christmas when Dennis discovered Socks and said he wanted to take care of her. The kids all guilted me into it and Martha helped. Now we have three cats. Socks managed to lose a little of her feral attitude and actually craves some affection.
So, anyway, yesterday I was playing with Socks and I picked her up. She complained a little, but she always complains. I kissed her on the nose and...
She attacked my face! I was so surprised that my face was locked in surprise. I went to check the damage and rivulets of blood was streaming down both sides of my face. I told Dennis that his cat attacked me and he thought it was a practical joke. He put his finger in the blood and licked it proclaiming it fake.
Then I showed him the wounds.
His face was priceless.
And Martha during all this?
She was laughing so hard that she had streams of tears to match the rivers of blood I was sporting.
Stupid Cat!

REALLY?

2011-05-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

Sure, I don't spell every word correctly. Sometimes I miss one or two through the cracks.
But, you know what? I don't work for the media where your mistakes can bite you in the butt. Know what's worse? Mispronunciation.
Here's what I have seen and heard of late.

Audible.

There is this new hair coloring product called Sublime. Sublime, pretty easy to say, right? You take Sub like in a sub sandwich and then add a lime, like the bright green fruit. Yeah, they are saying it subleem. Really? Subleem? Sheesh!

The other one was for the movie Insidious. A horror flick I passed on, but could still say the word. Sound it out with me folks. In-sid-E-ous. You get that? Cool. But when it's pronounced like it is part of a deciduous forest, then it's wrong.

Visual.

Yeah this car place here in town is over No money down, no hassel loans. That's right , they spelled it hassel. Seems like too much of a hassle to spell hassle properly, did it? Let's put another nail in that coffin that makes Kalamazoo stupid, shall we?

Finally, my lovely wife, Martha likes to go to the annual dog walk here in the area. I like seeing all the different dogs and they will let me pet them so, it's a win win situation.
Unless you're thirsty. Now don't get me wrong. I loves me some ice tea, but I'm going to have to pass on something called Sweat Leaf Tea. Sounds gross.

That's all I have for now. I'll keep you updated as the stupidity keeps rolling in.
And you know it will.

Tomorrow

2011-05-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

I get my grades. I will keep everyone posted. For my Fall classes I have taken the following;

Principals of Accounting
Ceramics 2
Holistic Health
Organizational Behavior

I like most of these classes. Just not that last one.

It Is Only A Test

2011-04-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

In twenty minutes the door will swing wide and I will be able to file into the classroom and take my Business Law final. For preparation I read all the chapters that will be on the test and read the stuff at the end of the chapters twice. It will be 50 questions all multiple choice. Those are my favorite because the answer has been provided. You have a twenty-five percent chance of getting it right.
Final preparation involved two shots of brown liquor and three Old Styles in a can like God intended.
And I have no worries.
In addition to the test I have a fail safe program in effect.
See, the teacher giving the final is not the teacher I signed up for with the class. My foul mouthed, one legged teacher fell ill and we missed huge chunks of class time. I figure just putting up with this BS entitles me to a B at the worst. Anything less and I protest. I will demand the grade be expunged and that all involved either get a full refund or another shot at the class gratis.
In the meantime, the liquor and beer combo has centered me and made me ready for this test. Since I read a thousand words a minute with about a 90 percent retention rate I see me leaving the class first. Out of academia and back on the bike trail to home to celebrate the last test of the semester.
It will be glorious.
Because of that fail safe I mentioned earlier.
Fifteen minutes until the test and the teacher hasn't arrived. Doesn't matter since he can't get into the classroom without one of the guards that roam the halls here downtown. See, he's the replacement teacher and the guards could care less about him.
I can see people congregating around the door of the classroom as if that will make the teacher get their faster to let us in to wait until 6 o'clock so he can start the test.
People will still be late getting there. People are always late for class.
I could count down the last thirteen minutes until the class starts, but I won't.
I could go congregate in the hallway with the others and make small talk until the class doors swing open, but I'm not going to. I'll finish this post. Send a link off to Facebook and by then it should be time.
Time to get my B.
Or and A. I'd really like an A.
Seeya!

I actually feel much better.

2011-04-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah, what the title said.

Sickness

2011-04-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

Once a year, like clockwork, I get sick. There is a horrid cough, a little fever a couple weeks of bleh and that's the end of it. Always happens around the same time every year. This year it decided to be a little more aggressive. I can usually beat this stuff on my own without the help of medication.
Yeah, not this year.
Luckily I have a friend at church (Hi Kristy!) who was diagnosed with a tooth infection, given antibiotics and then got root canal that expunged the infection. She gave me 8 tablets of 875mg of amoxycillin.
I took the first one right after church and intended on taking them for the next four days. I think this should take care of it. Let's hope so.

I'M IN A BOOK!!!

2011-04-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

Well, not me personally. I contributed to the anthology MONDO SASQUATCH and apprently they liked my story enough to include it. It's a tale entitled Sasquatch Vs. El Chupacabra. Sounds pretty straight forward, but I tried to play it a little different.

Here's a list of all the contributers;

• “I Have Always Wondered What Bigfoot Meat Tastes Like: An Introduction” by Louis Fowler
• “Arlo Felling Exists” by Richard Tiernan
• “Bigfoot and the Bone Face Murders” by Michael May
“Bigfoot Must Die” by Frankie Marino
“From Hell’s Heart” by Desmond Reddick
• “Incident at Crater Lake” by Casey Criswell
• “Roadside Attraction” by Matthew P. Mayo
“Sacrifice” by Shawn Gilbreath
“Sasquatch vs. El Chupacabra” by Douglas Waltz
• “Strike” by Michael D. Winkle
• “The Ballad of the Skunk Ape” by Jarret Keene
• “The Encounter” by Mike White
• “The Tale of Peter Rabbit and the Sasquatch” by Beatrix Potter and Rod Lott
• “The Tragic Hazing of Bryan Igfoot” by Eric Dimbleby
• “Theodore Roosevelt and the Great American Anthropoid” by Bill Adcock

And here's the really cool cover:

I will give more information as the release date looms ever closer.

So...

2011-04-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

...still sick.

BIKING IT

2011-04-08T07:34:00.000-07:00

No surprise here that I love to ride my bike. I ride it to school. I ride it for fun. I like riding my bike. Good exercise and not a lot of impact on the skeletal system. Last week I got a flat tire. I checked and there was this tiny little hole. Small enough I could patch it, but I opted for a new tube. I'll keep the popped one for a spare.
It was, of course, the back tire.
See, I ride a Schwinn Legacy. Old school, heavy as Hell. No gears and a back break. The back break is a piece of metal attached to the rear wheel and held on with a piece of metal strap. It never fails to corrode and make it impossible to remove. I end up cutting it off and using wire to put it back in place. This happens every time.
I have an older bike that still has the wire in place and works great.
This time I had no wire immediately available and I had to go to class.
I used a zip tie.
Those things are pretty damned durable, right?
I made my way downtown, went to my business law class which has a new teacher because the old teacher got sick. The new teacher told us he likes to teach using the Socratic Method. I discovered that I do not like the Socratic Method. It reminds me a lot of teachers having us break up into groups. This way they don't have to teach. I see it as lazy teaching. I also do not like a portion of my grade to be reliant on strangers who only have the class in common with me.
But, I digress.
I was on my way home when a SUV going way to fast made me do an emergency stop on my trusty Schwinn.
That zip tie could have been a cooked egg noodle for all the good it did.
I didn't think to bring another zip tie.
I know, stupid, but none of this is my fault. I will tell you why at the end.
So, no back break makes for walking the bike for a little over a mile.
Fun, fun, fun!
I got it home and now I need to find that damned wire and do a proper job with the bike.
Did I mention it's cold and raining outside?
Yeah, it is.
Now for the part where this has done nothing but made me severely angry and none of it is my fault. For the following rant I have decided to use a profuse amount of profanity. I realize that this is lowbrow behavior at best, but I'm pretty sure that the focus of my rant would understand nothing less. The real downside is that the focus of my rant is probably not smart enough to read anything written on the internet so you, my dear readers will feel the force of my wrath. Maybe then if you see someone doing something similar you will take the law into your own hands and deal with the perpetrator appropriately.

Now, let us begin the rant. remember I warned you about the profanity.

From near my house to downtown is this gorgeous bike trail. It crosses through some very urban parts of Kalamazoo. People in Kalamazoo refer to this as The Northside. For decades it was believed that you were risking death just by going through this part of town. When I was younger and living in the quiet little burg of Vicksburg, this was held as fact by all of my acquaintances.
Now, it is not as bad as it used to be. There is money being spent in that part of town and the really bad part of town is now the East Side.
But there are still assholes on this side of town.
Remember the bike trail I mentioned throughout the blog? This is so damned pretty. Paved, marked, benches and places to put your trash.
I would like to emphasize that every section of the trail between the roads it intersects has a bench or two and a trash can. A really nice trash can that they empty everyday, even in the winter.
Remember the trash can, it's important.
Regardless of this gorgeous, pristine trail and it's ample supply of trash receptacles some stupid FUCKING ASSHOLE manges to break glass on every section of the trail. Huge shards of glass litter the trail on a daily basis. I know that they clean the trail because the glass isn't always in the same place. The glass changes shape, size and color.
I have no idea why these STUPID COCKSUCKERS feel it is necessary to break glass on the trail. Kids use that trail. Crazy old bearded farts with Schwinn Legacy bicycles use that trail.
Why these STUPID FUCKERS think it is cool to do this is beyond me.
For that reason I have made this two fold vow.
First, I will make up a bunch of flyers calling out the STUPID ASS GLASS BREAKERS and post them on the trail. My plan is to enrage their small brains into doing something stupid where they get caught.
Secondly, if I ever catch someone actually breaking glass on the trail...well, it won't be pretty. If you have never met me I am built like a bald, bearded crazed viking and will not hesitate to bring the pain.
And the fear.
I am really the last thing you want peddling after your STUPID ASS on the Kalamazoo bike trail.
Really.
I am.

HOSPITALS SUCK

2011-04-06T05:47:00.000-07:00

This morning Dennis was complaining of abdominal pain. Dennis never complains of pain. So off to the emergency room we go. They have drawn blood, urine and filled him with morphine for the pain. Now we get to do the wonderful game of waiting.
I hate waiting.
In other fun filled news I only received one week of unemployment so I have to go deal with that after this. Yippee!
I'll be back with details later.
Okay, an update. Most important would be that Dennis came through his appendectomy just fine. He's a good kid.
Also, unemployment is fine. Everything is fine.
Thank God!

FUN, FUN, FUN.

2011-04-05T11:49:00.000-07:00

October 2009 I was informed that my position as a Team Lead was eliminated. I was one of those people that actually liked my job. Not one of the people who worked there, but the job was great.
Flash forward to the now.
I have successfully completed 18 months of unemployment. I'm not sure how much of that I have left. I am sure of one thing; I don't want a conventional job. I am also sure of another thing; to survive my family will need me to work.
Period.
End of discussion.
I have made a mad dash through Craigslist and the Michigan Talent Bank (I hate that name, by the way. Makes me feel like I'm auditioning for work in Grade Z movies. But, come to think of it, I would like that job). I have sent my resume to places for jobs that I am either over qualified for or marginally under qualified for. I was shocked that one company called me today and told me they would keep me in mind if their candidates didn't work out for the positions they have.
So, I get to see if they hired some closet incompetents sometime this summer.
Wait and see.
Hopefully, when the smoke clears, I will have some sort of gainful employment that doesn't make me want to scream.
The other day we were at Walmart and they have this little shop in the front. It's where people go to cash their checks, get money orders, really anything to do with cash. I saw this guy in there just taking up space and waiting for the dregs of humanity to descend upon him.
I would like that job at this point. Seems quiet and later in the day I can make fun of the customers with Martha.
Fun, fun, fun.
More later.

Sunday

2011-03-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Made it to church. Made huge amounts of sausage gravy and biscuits. Came home to clean rooms and organize all the new DVDs I recently acquired into the collection. I might clean the basement lab set later, but I'm already snuffly and I don't think I want to kick up that much dust.

Class

2011-03-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

My bike ride to the downtown campus of KVCC is a round trip of a little over three miles. I ride half of it getting there and then the return trip takes care of the other half. I also do not use the elevators in the building and none of my classes are on the first floor. So, Thursday night is my Business Law class. It starts at 6:00 PM.
This evening I made fried chicken, baked beans and some mac and cheese for dinner. Oh and cornbread muffins. Anyway, had dinner with my family, grabbed my stuff and got on my bike to get to class in time. I made it with ten minutes to spare and hiked my chubby butt up the flights of stairs to class.
Yeah, seems class was cancelled.
Bike ride still managed to burn some of those calories from that delicious dinner so, it wasn't all bad.
Now if my arms weren't sore from playing House Of The Dead:Overkill all afternoon.
But I did beat the Director's Cut mode so, tradeoff.

The Road To Serfdom by Friedrich Hayek

2011-03-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I put all the bullets points from this book as they appear in an illustrated form of the book. I thought it might be a good idea to group them all together here.
Enjoy!

‎1. War forces 'national planning'. To permit total mobilization of your country's economy, you gladly surrender many freedoms. You know regimentation was forced by your country's enemies.

‎2. Many want 'planning' to stay... Arguements for a 'peace production board' are heard before the war ends. Wartime 'planners' who want to stay in power, encourage the idea.

‎3. The 'Planners' promise utopias. A rosy plan for farmers goes well in rural areas, a plan for industrial workers is popular in cities - and so on. Many new 'planners' are elected to office...

‎4. but they can't agree on ONE Utopia. With peace, a new legislature meets; but 'win the war' unity is gone. The 'planners' nearly come to blows. Each has his own pet plan, won't budge.

‎5. And citizens can't agree either. When the 'planners' finally patch up a temporary plan months later, citizens in turn disagree. What the farmer likes, the factory worker doesn't like.

‎6. 'Planners' hate to force agreement. Most 'national planners' are well-meaning idealists, balk at any use of force. They hope for some miracle of a public agreement as to their patchwork plan.

‎7. They try to 'sell' the plan to all. In an unsuccessful effort to educate people to uniform views, 'planners' establish a giant propaganda machine - which coming dictator will find handy.

‎8. The gullible do find agreement. Meanwhile, growing national confusion leads to protest meetings. The least educated - thrilled and convinced by fiery oratory, form a party.

‎9. Confidence in 'planners' fades. The more 'planners' improvise, the greater the disturbance to normalcy. Everybody suffers. People now feel - rightly - that planners can't get things done.

‎10.The 'strong man' is given power. In desperation, 'planners' authorize the new party leader to hammer out a plan and force its obedience. Later, they'll dispense with him - or so they think.

‎11. The party takes over the country. By now, confusion is so great that obedience to the new leader must be obtained at all costs. Maybe you join the party yourself to aid national unity.

‎12. A negative aim wields party unity. Early step of all dictators is to inflame the majority in common cause against some scapegoat minority. In Germany, the negative aim was Anti-Semitism.

‎13. No one opposes the leader's plan. It would be suicide; new secret police are ruthless. Ability to force obedience always becomes the No. 1 virtue in the 'planned state'. Now all freedom is gone.

‎14. Your profession is 'planned'. The wider job choice promised by now defunct 'planners' turns out to be a tragic farce. 'Planners' never have delivered, never will be able to.

‎15. Your wages are 'planned'. Divisions of the wage scale must be arbitrary and rigid. Running a 'planned state' from central headquarters is clumsy, unfair, inefficient.

‎16. Your thinking is 'planned'. In the dictaorship, unintentionally created by the planners, there is no room for difference of opinion. Posters, radio, press - all tell you the same lies!

‎17. Your recreation is 'planned'. It is no coincidence that sports and amusements have been carefully 'planned' in all regimented nations. Once started, 'planners' can't stop.

‎18. Your disciplining is 'planned'. If you're fired from your job, it's apt to be by a firing squad. What used to be an error has now become a crime aginst the state. Thus ends the road to serfdom!

Happy St. PAtrick's Day!

2011-03-17T06:58:00.001-07:00

Never one to shy from my Irish heritage, I would like to wish everyone a HAppy St. PAtrick's day. And yes, the bars here in Kalamazoo opened at 7 in the morning and I was there.

First Day of Shooting

2011-03-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

So, we got the first day of shooting Grey Matter finished. It was all the outdoor shots. It was pretty cold so my face is a little wind burnt, but we got all the shots we need. Of course we lost an actor on the first day so, that wasn't good, but we adapted and got it done.
The house we used has such an excellent foyer, but the upstairs landing is non existent so we will have to figure out what to do for that part of the flick. I have some ideas, but will have to see when it's time to shoot that stuff.
Other than that I think it all went pretty well.
OF course, it was just the first day.

Stuff

2011-03-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

Today we are doing the outside shooting for Grey Matter. Not a lot of shots, but I need some brisk wintery weather for it and it might all be gone come Monday. Then we have to get the interiors done before summer or there will be some sweating on the set. Whoopee!

Rainy Days

2011-03-09T15:40:00.000-08:00

Raining here in Kalamazoo. At least in the vicinity of The Waltz Compound. Had to run out with Martha for butter, milk and gas. Gas was the last stop and the truck was there. I really hate pumping gas when the truck is there, but Quik Stop always has the cheapest gas in town. I steeled my resolve and decided to pump.
Now, as long as I don;t blow up I'm fine, right?
Anyway, the gas truck driver was under the awning of the Quik Stop. The air is all misty and there is a light fog covering everything.
I said to him:
"Good, this means I'll get some fresh gas, right?"
Now, I know this isn't how it works. He also knows that isn't how it works and from his two second assessment of me he knew that I knew. He still broke a grin and said.
"Sure."
Driving a truck full of explosive fluids seems like it could be a nerve wracking job. I'm glad I made him grin. Even if he did think I was an idiot.

Last Night and This Morning

2011-03-09T04:12:00.000-08:00

Last night I decided to play the soon to be released GEEK WAR. A film by Chris Seaver. Yeah, I get advance copies of stuff. Cool, huh? Anyway, it did lend to some weird ass dreams for me. None in the black, frightening as Hell type. Just bizarre. You know like when there are deep fried Monkey faces on the buffet. The weirdest parking structure you have ever seen. Stuff like that. And, when I woke up in the middle of the night as I am wont to do, I had the soothing lullaby of an LBP flick to make it all better.
Then this morning I got the kids ready to go. Delia off to high school. Dandelion off to middle school. Dan in the tub before elementary school.
But what about Dennis? Dennis has an appointment for his knee today so he's sleeping in for a little bit. Martha had an early morning errand to run before his appointment so she is amongst the world for the moment.
And me?
I got to do my report of unemployment.
See, I know I have unemployment until October. I know this for fact until I receive some sort of notice. This is a fact. But, everytime I hit that last button my Spidey Sense flares up for that brief second until it shows me what my cash will be.
Every damned time.
Sure, I got the payola, but it still happens.
Weird, huh?

The Interview: The Apocalypse

2011-03-08T04:49:00.000-08:00

So, Martha needed to go ans sit Gracie. She dropped me off early at The Fairfield Inn. I took my laptop so I could do my unemployment job search thingie. All was cool in the world. Apparently, The Fairfield Inn is also hiring because there were some intense ladies there to fill out applications. There was also this tall, younger, gangly individual roaming the lobby. I thought nothing of it as I was a good hour and a half early for my interview.
Let me clarify that. I had been called the week before and was told they were interviewing for store manager. I set up an appointment to have an interview for a store manager.
Notice how I am repeating the phrase 'store manager'? Yeah, more on that in a minute.
So, I figured out that this doofus was the guy I was there to meet. I was told to bring a printed copy of my resume. I shook the man's hand in the lobby and we went back to one of the meeting rooms. I spotted my resume on the table. It seems that I wasted ink because he didn't need the resume I had gone to the trouble of printing.
No problem. Let's get on with the interview.
He asked about my experience with my resume in front of him. I told him what I had been up to. He told me that there was openings in Grand Rapids and would I be interested in moving there? I explained how my kids will get free college by living in Kalamazoo and attending school there. He understood completely.
No way you can be a full time manager and on call if you are that far away from the physical location of the store.
Then he made a clumsy pitch at buying a 7-11 franchise. When he realized that I was not interested in buying my own 7-11 he cut things short.
All of this might have taken three minutes.
I am in the midst of composing a very, very angry letter to the corporate offices of 7-11.
My dander is officially up.

Interview

2011-03-07T11:45:00.000-08:00

Apparently all of my mandatory job hunting has beguin to bear fruit. I got a call the other day from 7-11. Seems that they are in need of a Store Manager. This would a pretty cool gig, actually. I hear they pay well and the benefits are also a good thing. So, MArtha had to go watch Gracie which leaves me at the spot for the interview a good hour and a half early. Thank God for wifi and the new laptop. I have managed to get my unemployment job search done, pimp products and stuff on Facebook and wish my cousin a happy b-day. Also my lovely wife and I are sharing our fourteenth year of wedded bliss. Hoo Haa!
Wish me luck, peeps.

UM,OKAY???

2011-02-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

In The Waltz Compound we have many ways to access the Internet. I have a laptop, it is currently at Best Buy. We have the house desktop, in the shop. My phone can get a little bit of Internet. That leaves us with the Nintendo Wii which, since we don't have a wireless keyboard for it, leaves us with theWii remote and that makes it look like you are having a seizure.
That currently leaves us with Dennis' Acer Aspire. I feel like a giant when I use this thing! Hopefully, we will be able to get the computer from Best Buy back tomorrow. Unfortunately, I will still be able to upload video from my Canon ZR 800 to it even though that is what I told them I wanted the computer for. I have already sent my angry letter off to the folks at Best Buy so, I will keep you all posted as to how that is going.
When I was at Best Buy the other day I was sitting and waiting for a Geek to talk to. There was this older gentleman there with the computer his wife had to have. I explained my woes and he said that was too bad. I said, yeah but at least I might get something done this weekend with no computer in the house.
Made a delicious breakfast for church this morning. Played Wii with the family and had a blast. Went to friends' house for beer and homemade pizzas and Martha and I cleaned our room.
Yup, sometimes this lack of computer thing is a good thing.

Walking

2011-02-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

So, I woke up this morning and wondered why Martha had turned off the cable. Then I tried to turn out the light on my bedside table.
Seems the ice storm knocked out power.
Great! Monday's are the day I have two classes and report my job searches to unemployment. School was cancelled, but with no power comes no internet. It was decided that I would pack up the laptop and hike to town to get some wifi.
It wasn't all that bad. I layered properly and I have one of those face mask thingies so, I was pretty darn toasty. The ice made it so that I didn't sink into the snow that filled the bike trail. I liked the satisfying crunch of my boots on the icy snow as I made my way into town.
I got to Cafe Casa and immediately got some coffee. I managed to get all my work done at the Cafe, talked with John, one of the owners, and then got the text message I was waiting for. Martha told me the power was back on.
I made a small pitstop to pick up popcorn and headed home. The snow happily crunching beneath my boots. To give you an idea of how far this is. It is 45 minutes one way. I got to warm up and have coffee and delicious soup in town before I made my way home, but still forty-five minutes one way is still a walk.
Now the house is warm, the power is restored and everything is right with the world. I keep threatening to buy a darn generator and this might be the year that drives me to it.
Sheesh!

Well, now I just feel foolish

2011-02-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

It was supposed to rain ice and destruction on us this morning. As of now...bupkus. Hmmm, could the weather people be lying? Wouldn't surprise me.
I check the weather map and it shows destruction headed for us, but man it is moving slow.
Now that I said this we are going to get an inch of ice and the power will go out in the entire county.
Geez, I am really starting to hate weather.

New York Trip

2011-02-18T14:39:00.000-08:00

So, the family went to Syracuse New York for the Low Budget Pictures Bash. Don't know what I'm talking about? Go find my other blog Divine Exploitation to see what is the happening.
So, we stayed at a Comfort Inn and after being in a van with all those kids, the clerk a little douche named Nick decided to give me attitude about the reservations. Nothing major, but guess who don't want no crap about a reservation?
Yeah, this guy.
So, I sent a snarky comment to the hotel's web site and got a call from the manager of the hotel. Problem was that she was an idiot who did everything but call me a liar. So, back to the comment board I went.
After talking to another Comfort Inn drone I got a check in the mail coming for sixty bucks. My total bill was 180.00 so I'll take a third in compensation.
BY the way, Comfort Inn is like a lot of the hotels out there. Filled with clueless people who don't realize that we are just looking for a hassle free place to crash.
Motel 8 never gave me this kind of grief.
Peace out!

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY

2011-02-09T16:02:00.000-08:00

So, classes are in full swing and that takes up a lot of time. I got us a Vimeo account so the TV show will start being broadcast online. That is extremely exciting. We got a Wii and I am determined to stick with it even though my back is killing me. Hooked Netflix up for the Wii and there is nothing as epic as having lots of movies at my fingertips.
I finally got the three necessary programs to do the TV show on the new laptop so, we will shoot something next week after our trip to Syracuse to see Chris Seaver and the gang.
So, why no posts recently?
Been busy, pure and simple.
Everyone be good and I will see you later with tales of Syracuse New York and all the wonders it holds.

Dreams

2011-02-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

I remember a lot of my dreams. Some for always and others drift away. Also, sometimes I am not in my dreams. It's like my brain is showing me a movie.
Last night I had a Jess Franco dream. It had Jess, Lina Romay and Howard Vernon in it. They had captured Paul Naschy and it turned out that they were immortals bored with life so they found a werewolf they could battle for eternity. Since they would use no silver weapons and he couldn't destroy them the fight would go on forever.
Trippy, but it sure sounds like a great Franco flick.

Big Storm!

2011-02-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

They say that there is a storm on the way that will drop nearly two feet of snow on Michigan. At least in the area where I live. You know what I say?
Bring it.
I can remember snow so deep that things didn't move for a week. People had to use snowmobiles to reach civilization. I can remember living in Battle Creek as a four year old and seeing snow that engulfed our backyard swing set.
Two measly feet of snow? Hell, not even two feet. Eighteen inches, max.
Ha! Bring it.
Kids nowadays with their bus stops at the end of their driveways and a small spattering of snow.
I can remember my quarter of a mile walk one way to a bus stop through snow, sleet and driving rain. The snow would get so deep that we would have to fight abominable snowmen both going and coming from the bus stop. Our bus driver was a fearless, slightly psychotic mountain of a man named George. George had no fear of the elements.
Snow feared George.
Bus drivers nowadays see a minor sprinkling of arctic waste and they call it a day.
So, this eighteen inches of snow that is threatening my state?
I say bring it because we've seen worse and none of us are dead from it.
HA!

Well...

2011-02-01T10:20:00.000-08:00

It appears that a blizzard is on its way this evening. That means the kids will probably have no school tomorrow. Figures that it's a day that I don't have school to begin with and then the roads will be clear enough on Thursday that I will have school. Oh well.

DAN THE MAN FOR THE WIN!

2011-01-26T12:15:00.000-08:00

So, I'm on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother with Dan and Delia. There is this cute blonde girl flirting with NPH and I knew who she was, but couldn't place her.
Then Dan says;
"That's the lady that gives Seth Rogen his coffee in Observe and Report.
Kid nailed it.
Sniff! I'm so proud.

As If It Needed Saying.

2011-01-23T13:25:00.000-08:00

An 11 Pound meatloaf is a glorious thing to behold and a delicious thing to eat.

BRIEFS

2011-01-21T04:56:00.000-08:00

So, this isn't a post about my underwear ya perverts. Instead I had a couple of things just pop in my brain that I thought I would share.
The other day we took Dandelion to the doctor. She has a non contagious bacterial infection that is giving her a sore throat. I threw the non contagious part in there for my hypochondriac buddy, Stew. Anyway, the nurse asked Dandelion if she had started her period. Why would my little girl have that? That would be impossible! My first thought was to stab my eardrums with a pencil, but I went with the denial card instead.

Broke one of my front teeth the other day. No, not engaging in some manly form of combat or some such thing. See One of my front teeth is a cap. It's fine. The other one had a huge filling put there by a Dutch dentist of yore. It has been there for well over a decade. I'm surprised it hadn't fallen out sooner since I had another dentist confirm that this guy had a lot of fillings fall out. Must have been lucky. Since I have no insurance currently I need to go to the free clinic that opens at 7:45 on Friday. That is next Friday because they charge a sliding scale and that's when I get paid.
So with all that all I could think of is that I will sound like Sylvester Puddy Tat in public speaking class next week. Thankfully, I had years of speech classes in elementary school and that stuff sticks with you like luggage.

That's it for me.
Seeya!

Sweet Tooth

2011-01-19T18:00:00.000-08:00

So, had a little lunch. Today is a lazy kind of day for me. No School, caught up on homework, stuff like that. Decided that I had a sweet tooth and went for a carmel turtle.
Yeah, in hindsight probably not a good idea.
So, I'm chewing up this turtle and then my tongue hits my front teeth. One of my front teeth is a crown that I had done last year. The other one has a built up filling that I had done many years ago.
Yeah, that carmel destroyed it. So, with a majority of my tooth gone now I have to wait until next Friday to hit the dental clinic where they won't rape me to fix it as I am currently still unemployed with no insurance.
The tooth doesn't hurt at all which is a blessing. I'm self medicating with whiskey and beer, also a good thing.
Of all the things that could have run through my head, this was it;
My speech on Monday is gonna suck. Yup, my public speaking class has me delivering a speech on Monday. We get to do any previously done speech we want. I'm going with Hunter S. Thompson's Wave Speech. Should be fun.
It's a shame I'll be sounding like Sylvester Puddy Tat.
Oh well, could be worse.
Could sound like Elmer Fudd.

I'm just trying to get to school.

2011-01-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

So, Thursday night is Business Law class from 6:00 to 8:55. I decided to leave a little early to crab a cup of coffee from Mickey D's before I went to class. Now it has been cold around these parts lately. That damp, bitter cold that gets into your lungs. When it's that cold I wear a t shirt, another shirt, my peacoat, a scarf and my Guinness hat that has the ear flap thingies. I need the scarf to filter that cold air or I'll be coughing up a lung when I get done with my bike ride.
So, the ride isn't bad for a guy who's bundled up like Randy from A Christmas Story. It is a little difficult to move my head back and forth, but I take it careful to avoid being a road pancake. So, I make it into town and get my coffee. I decide that being that bundled while grasping a large, piping hot coffee is a path to disaster on a bicycle. The school is only a couple of blocks from Mickey D's so I'll just push my bike.
So, you've got the image, right? Bundled up me, coffee in one hand, book bag strapped across my chest, scarf in saving my breath position. Just trying to get to class.
Then I hear this voice.
"Hey, that's a nice bike. One of those old style one."
Immediately my spidey sense kicks in. See, this Mickey D's is next to the bus station slash train station. This is not a particularly nice part of town. You can cross the street and it immediately gets better. Not much better, but better.
I manage to turn my over bundled head to see this wiry, weaselly fella next to me. Looks a little grungy, but with his size I breathed a sigh of relief. I could fall on him and take him out. No real threat as far as I'm concerned. I mutter a noncommittal 'yup' and just keep walking.
Was that rude?
No, I don't feel it was. I mean what was this guy thinking? All you could see of me was my eyes and I wear glasses so I was as cut off from the world as John Travolta in that plastic bubble movie. If you forced me to guess I would wager he was looking for a cigarette. That part of town people always has people who are on the scam for a cigarette.
I do not smoke and it really annoys me when people ask me for a cigarette.
I made it to class. The Professor seems cool if somewhat dry. He mentioned that he doesn't like people sleeping in his class. I think the blame for that might be his. He did let us leave early though so big points for him.
The ride home was uneventful.
Until I reached the railroad tracks.
Those things are slippery in the winter. Slid and did a little spill that I recovered from nicely. I liked that a fellow biker stopped to see if I was alright. I waved him off and went on my way.
I passed one of my fellow Business Law students who was walking home from class.
We gave each other the wave and I got my butt home.
Man it was cold.

At The Up And Under

2011-01-14T12:27:00.000-08:00

So, Martha had to go and babysit for friends of ours. She still has a sore throat and I feel bad for her. Normally we go to Wings Etc. for beer and food for lunch, but as I mentioned, her sore throat. So, she went to babysit and I went to Rugger's Up And Under. No one calls it that. It's always been Up And Under. Before that it was a Rax Restaurant. Anyone remember Rax?
Anyway, Up and Under has the most beers on tap. I started with a Pabst because I was going to drink it more for thirsty than appreciation. I ordered a chicken burrito because a friend of mine, Kenny, who I have known since the 80's is the chef there. He puts a metric ton of food on the plate no matter who you are.
My bartender introduced herself as Becca and shook my hand. We were off to an excellent start.
After the Pabst I switched to a Crooked Tree IPA which was excellent. This chunky fella came to the bar and asked what was on special. Becca told him nothing. Then he asked if there was anything on special if it was his birthday. He looked to be all of 25 so I thought I would see what he was drinking and buy him one for his birthday.
Yeah and then he ordered a White Russina. Not beer. Not liquor. A pussy White Russian. Here I had entertained thoughts of buying the young man a shot of some harsh brown liquor and he ordered a White Russian.
Yeah, why wait to see the youngster manufacture cottage cheese in his upper GI tract.
I had a third Crooked Tree, finished my delicious wet burrito and gave Becca five dollar tip and headed for the door.
But I needed something else.
The other day Dennis and his friend Jesse played at open mic at The Strutt. I had a stout by the name of Poet and it was good. I thought I might as well get one for the road.
The owner was there with his new baby who I made smile. I got a call from my Dandelion and headed on home.
It was a good day.

DOUGSERVATIONS

2011-01-13T17:43:00.000-08:00

I have decided to rename this blog. I think it all started the year I did a blog entry a day called Forty-Five. I find things that I deem interesting and jot them down. Why? Beats me. Posterity or something. Anyway, I think I'm going to get away from titles with numbers and just call this blog Dougservations. Doug = Observations = Dougservations.
Clever?
Meh, maybe.
So out with the old and in with the new.
Wheeeeeee!

So...

2011-01-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

New year is upon us and some wacko tried killing a governemnt official and succeeded in killing six other people including a nine year old girl. Really!?!
Started my fourth semester at school. This semester I have Ceramics 1 which I already like. Public Speaking where my teacher is slightly annoying, Microeconomics as a web class that should be a cakewalk and Business Law which is tomorrow so no idea how that will go for me.
For some reason my beer fridge is freezing my beers. Not real happy with this.
I was debating on a top ten list of films for this year and decided against it. Everyone does one of these and mine would just be so much white noise.
A lot more companies are contacting me to review their stuff. It's fun!
That's all I got for now.
Have fun out there people!

NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T18:05:00.000-08:00

A new year is here! Went to Mike and Judy's for beer, food and fun. It was a good time. Didn't make any New Year's resolutions. I did start an exercise regime the week before and have managed to do some form of sweaty cardio every day. Either bike riding, tae bo or stair stepper or a combination of any of the three. Got a nice bike ride in today with the exception of the Arctic wind blowing out there.
The one resolution I do have?
Lose weight.
The minimum? 25 pounds.
The maximum? 50 pounds.
Wish me luck.

POST CHRISTMAS

2010-12-27T06:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, Christmas is over. That isn;t stopping SyFy (Hate that name) from playing ELF today. WTF? Shouldn't there be a rule about no Christmas movies after Christmas? I do like that they are playing a Friday The 13th The Series marathon this morning. At least that's fun to watch. That Robey chick stopped working in the business in 1992. No idea where she is now, apparently in France.
Got up early, did my qigong, let the dogs out, made tea for me and Martha, got a pot of beans on to simmer that had been soaking overnight. Today I am finishing the transcription of the interview with Michael Zelniker. Then I have to send it to him for approval. First time I've had to do that, but what the heck? I hate transcription.
I am contemplating an early morning bike ride. The roads are so clear that it might not be a bad idea. I could ride up the hill on Ravine Road and get a great workout in the process.
Have to finish the Night Basement chapter on the Legge book this week and get notes for the next film done. Quite a lot of writing to do, but since there is no school for a while I have plenty of free time.
That's it for now.
Seeya!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

2010-12-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

Had a great Christmas. Martha and the kids got stuff. I got a new model airplane to put together, lots of coffee cups, a Spider Woman/Iron Man Secret Wars action figure set, a Coca Cola Christmas tree ornament, lots of coffee mugs and a big comfortable robe. Also a set of cannisters to put my flour/sugar/coffee/cornstarch in. Very cool.

CHRISTMAS!!!

2010-12-19T04:55:00.000-08:00

I think we have all the shopping done. I'm a little worried about things ordered online, but it should be okay. Next week is no school for any of us and sleeping in. I also think it might be a good time to get a big chunk of my Michael Legge book done. I'm currently immersed in Night Basement, Legge's anthology film.
We have had a little one named Chloe with us this weekend. She is two and one of the people at church's little one. She is a very busy little thing, but she's sweet. Yesterday we were playing the silly noise game at the top of our lungs...at Target. who cares? It was a lot of fun. She got a rice krispie treat while I opted for a creme brulee latte while we shopped. She really liked the hobby store.
Today we have to take her back to her mom at church. It's fun having a little one around the house, but it's also fun to give them back after a while. Means I can get some uninterrupted sleep for a while.
I plan on getting a couple of bike rides in next week even though I have nowhere to go. Should be a blast.

STUFF

2010-12-12T18:04:00.000-08:00

Been watching teen comedies lately; Meatballs, Pinball Summer. I always like these things. Even the truly crappy ones are fun to watch.
Got some serious winter weather here today and tomorrow. Kids will probably get out of school tomorrow.
The Michael Legge book continues. I would say that it is about half done at this point, but with school practically over for the year I should be able to get some serious word count hammered out.
Speaking of school. I am of the opinion that KVCC has no idea what a WEB class should be.
Why do we take WEB classes? To not be at school. To study at our own pace and get the information we need. Then why do the teachers insist on nonsense like group projects, which I just flat out refused to do this semester. Why do we need to go to the school to take tests? Especially since the testing center will let you take anything you want to the computers so cheating could be pretty easy. I'm not saying I did it, but it is pretty easy from what I have observed.
And putting time frames on the tests and assignments? As long as it's done by the last day of the semester, who cares? Needless to say, until KVCC realizes how to do a true WEB class I will be avoiding them like the plague.
Well, except for my microeconomics class next semester. Hopefully that won't be a nightmare.
Hopefully.
So, lots of writing, classes wrapping up and snow falling and falling and falling.
Oh, and the script for Grey Matter is almost done. Glad the snow is showing up since I need it for the shoot.

Observations

2010-12-02T04:55:00.000-08:00

Watched the CBS broadcast of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer two days ago with the kids. I have watched this thing for decades. This was the first time that I noticed that Hermie The Elf's neck is actually unfinished wood. It gives him a creepy look like his neck is all dead and stuff.
Weird.
Dandelion's bus was 20 minutes late today! The weather was crappier yesterday and the bus was on time.
And it must be a bus thing because, for the first time, the bus stopped next door. The people next door don't even have children! I thought for sure it was an idiotic substitute bus driver. No, just another bus and Dan got his bus just fine.
When I was a kid we had a bus driver named George. Bus driving wasn;t George's full time job. George was a farmer. George was a mountain of a man who used Brylcreem in his perfectly cut hair. George never talked much and we were all terrified of him. I remember one time a kid in the back was being mouthy and George told him to shut it.
The kid didn't.
George stopped the bus, walked to the back and brought the kid to the front of the bus...BY HIS HAIR! That kid sat in the front of the bus for the rest of his bus riding days. Every year, on the first day of school he would try to blow it off and walk past the first seat of the bus. George would give him the glare of death and the kid sat down.
But you know what?
George was the best bus driver. Always on time. Never late. I'm pretty sure if the bus stopped for whatever reason, George could have just fixed it or, barring that, just pushed the damned thing from stop to stop. Nowadays? Not going to happen.
I also recently discovered that you can get you blog published into a book! I thought that was pretty cool. Pricey as Hell, but cool nonetheless.
I'm out.

I Ride My Bicycle

2010-11-12T06:05:00.000-08:00

After yesterday's bike riding extravaganza I decided that I wanted more. So, this morning after I got all the kids off to their respective schools I kissed sleeping Martha on the head and got on my bike. According to this thing I do called Daily Mile (look it up ya lazy bastards!) my one ride down the Kalamazoo trail is 7.92 miles round trip.
I hadn't done this one in a while.
I finished listen to my Jay And Silent Bob Get Old podcast and then switched to music. On the way out I was propelled by various Kiss tunes, Mr. Roboto. Eye Of The Tiger and The Clash got me back up the huge hill that I ride down on the way out. The The Donnas, The Beastie Boys and Britney Spears got me back home.
I saw a homeless man on the trail. It seemed odd for him to be there with his multiple bags and look of desperation. It seemed like he was camping there. Let me explain why this is odd. The part of the trail I was on has various services places; print shop, carpet layers, storage units, window installers, stuff like that. This is not what I envision as being conducive to homeless people. Who is he gonna bum change off of? Or scrounge for soda cans? Seems weird to me.
I also saw a dead raccoon and this other guy walking and smoking who looked scraggly and had that same bugged out look of desperation in his eyes.
Is this what my neighborhood is like this early in the morning?
Like I said, weird.
The ride was great. I'm a little stiff, but good. I think I'll go ahead and do it again tomorrow.
I can't wait until next week when I get my horn free bicycle seat. Should improve the ride and my boys will be happy for the lack of abuse.

Thursday!

2010-11-11T08:56:00.000-08:00

Got up like every other morning. Woke up children, watched Batman with Dandelion, the villain was Bookworm this time, sent kids off to various schools, woke Dan The Man up and got him on his way, cello and all. Took a little nap, made Martha some toast and tea and then with my backpack loaded, made my way into the cold morning world.
First, I made it to the bank and got out money to pay the Consumers bill, that was a really good ride and the B Movie podcast helped quite a bit. The film they are discussing this week is Ib Melchior's Time Travellers. Then it was off to the TV station to drop off the newest episode of The Basement Of Baron Morbid. This week we are doing the film ZAAT. Fun stuff! While I was there a lady asked if I was Doug waltz. Seems that the black hoodie that I lost at the film festival had made it's way to the station. Hurray! I missed my hoodie.
Then I decided that since I was making such good time I would travel on to the library. Read the new issues of JLA and JSA, both excellent issues. I think I might have liked JLA more this month, but that was probably because The Crime Syndicate was in it.
Then it was off to school for homework, tests and whatnot. I still have to take an actual test with the little color in the holes with a pencil thing here shortly.
After that it will be back to The Waltz Compound to make dinner and get Dennis ready for his MRI. Seems a Judo injury is acting up on him and there is some fluid and soft tissue swelling going on. They want to pinpoint what is going on with some sophisticated equipment.
Dennis was worried, but I said it would be a great time for a nap. I hope he listens to my advice.
Now, since in my infinite wisdom I forgot to bring a friggin pencil to school I must go on a quest for some leaded wood.
Wish me luck.

Cookies!

2010-11-06T18:42:00.000-07:00

All I have wanted to do this week is make cookies. I bought the stuff to make cookies on Wednesday. I was pumped to make cookies on Thursday morning. Yeah, I forgot the brown sugar of all things. By the time I got it it was too late. Friday was hectic. Finally, today I made chocolate chip, butterscotch chip and peanut butter chip. I think I might make some peanut butter cookies in the near future. I like making cookies. More than eating them, actually.
My buddy and professional chef, Robert Miller made some Caribbean Jerk sauce from scratch and let me have some. I slow cooked some country style ribs with the sauce and they were magnificent.
For tomorrow's church breakfast I am making corned beef hash with eggs baked into the hash along with my world famous fried potatoes.
Tonight we had a couple of guests at The Waltz Compound. A pair of blonde two year olds named Chloe and Justine. A friend of ours from church needed a break so they came over for a few hours to visit.
I was a little worried that they would be shy until Chloe walked into the kitchen, spotted me and said,
"I'd like some milk!"
Lucky for her we had been to the store so it was easy to fix that particular request. It was fun having little ones in the house again after all this time. With Dan at the youngest being 10, two years old is big difference. The dogs were happy to have them, the kids as well and I think Martha liked it most of all.
When they got a little rambunctious I turned on Nick Jr on the big TV and Wonder Pets was on.
They were hypnotized.
All in all a very fun filled day.

HALLOWEEN AFTERMATH

2010-11-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

So, the kids were all intersting things this year. Delia was The Corpse Bride. Dandelion was a zombie farmer. No, she didn;t farm zombies, she was a farmer who became a zombie, no idea why. Dan changed up and was a psycho clown and then a werewolf. Dennis was more of a performance piece. Friday he was Kurt Cobain. Saturday he was heroin addicted Kurt Cobain and then Sunday he had my buddy put an exit wound on the back of his head and he was dead Kurt Cobain.
So, we took the kids to the church, loaded up the goodies were giving to each house we stopped at and then set upon the death march.
Man, kids are sissies nowadays.
We had fourteen of them in various ages and we hadn;t covered that much territory before the complaining began. They all did pretty well in the candy department and we handed out sixty little goodie bags with pamphlets for the church.
At the basement we had cider, hot and cold, donuts and cookies and I put old horror flicks on the tube. It was Beast Of Haunted Cave followed up by Invasion Of The Saucermen.
It was fun and I got a blister on my heel.
Today Martha and I went out for breakfast and hot tubbing to recover from the death march.
I will have a Halloween video I shot of the kids shortly.

PSYCHO PUMPKINS

2010-10-22T05:06:00.000-07:00

We won best use of prop for your entry into the festival. Here is the video for you to enjoy.

Today

2010-10-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

Today is busy. First we had to take Dennis to have his knee checked. Then I had to go to class while Martha and Dennis went and got his knee xrayed. After class I printed a bunch of pictures for my friend Chrstopher for this top secret project that he is working on for me. Cold bike ride home and then it's off to conferences for the high schoolers. Then, the most exciting part of the day, we will be going to Kalamazoo 10 where they will be showing our short film, Psycho Pumpkin as part of the 2880 video competition. We could win prizes and everything! Part of me is excited and part of me is nervous. I will post the video here after the competition.
wish me luck!

UPDATE

2010-10-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

So, went to Cinema Wasteland the first weekend of October and it was fun. Got to see many people that I have seen before. Picked up a few flicks and if you head over to my Divine Exploitation blog you will be able to read reviews of those. School is in full swing and I have tons of homework. I signed up for classes for winter and I have to go to the school for three of my four classes. I can do microeconomics from home, but Business Law and Public Speaking are at the downtown campus and I decided to take a fun class. I am enrolled at the main campus for ceramics. It should be a lot of fun.
Looks like my long languishing chapbook The Penultimate Machinations of Fu Manchu are coming to fruition in the near future. More on that as it develops.
Seeya!

Cinema Wasteland

2010-09-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I and a couple of buddies will be winging our way to Cinema Wasteland, a convention that I really like. There will be daily reports while I am there on the Divine Exploitation website that I write. Be sure to visit there this weekend to see what is up.

Tuesday...Oh, wait!

2010-09-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, unemployed makes for crappy calendar watching. The only reason I know it's Wednesday is that I went to class yesterday and class is on Tuesday and Thursday. And since I'm going to Cinema Wasteland on Friday I know it's not Friday because I'm not getting ready for Cinema Wasteland.
Confused? Yeah, me too.
I was sitting in class yesterday bored out of my skull when an idea for a story came to me. Sasquatch versus The Blind Dead. I know, epic, right? I actually got six pages handwritten before class let out and it's going pretty good. I think I'll just do that in class. It is called business WRITING after all.
Other news? Probably, but it's not registering in my frontal lobes as of yet.
Seeya!

Mickey

2010-09-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

My oldest son with my lovely Martha is Dennis who is 16. we have been together for 17 years. Martha brought her dog in to the equation. Her name was Faith and she was a very smart dog. when we lived on Hayes Park Faith had a litter and we gave them all away.
Later, we would get a dog named Buddy who would give us Faith's second litter. For some reason Faith would lose it and need to be put down. We gave away all the pups, but two were returned. Cassidy and Mickey. From the same litter, no two dogs looked more different. Cassidy had long hair, Mickey's was short. She was mostly black while Mickey was black and white. Cassidy acted like your normal, run of the mill dog, while Mickey came across as a grumpy old man. But, he knew when to be grumpy. If a small child tugged on his ears he just beared it. Anyone who knew better got shit for it.
We have had Mickey for 13 years.
Growing up with pets was nothing new for me.
Until today.
Mickey had been diagnosed with cancer and we had his tumors removed. Then they came back with a vengeance and the vet told us there was nothing we could do. We took him home and loved him. Eventually he couldn't walk up the stairs to our bedroom anymore. Then he was having issues with using the bathroom.
Last night I fed Mickey three cans of dog food. I had already called the vet and checked on what we would need to do to take Mickey out of his pain.
This morning our veterinarian, the sweetest vet you will ever meet, gave Mickey a shot. Mickey laid down on the table and didn't resist when the vet gave him his second shot.
The vet checked and said that he was gone.
It felt like someone punched me in the chest and I thought I was going to be sick. I stayed there until the vet said he was gone and then I needed to go outside. It was too warm in the room and my eyes burned.
We did the best thing for our dog who loved us for thirteen years.
It sucked.
I love you, Mickey and I hope that we did what was best for you and that you had a good life with us.
I know I had a good life with you.
When I could have left Martha in the room with the dog I stayed. I stayed for both of them and when he went to sleep I kissed him goodbye.
I love you Mickey. I will miss you everyday.

Did I Mention That I have ...

2010-09-22T03:06:00.000-07:00

published a book. It's a thriller called NAHUM.
Go here to check it out;

http://www.amazon.com/Nahum-Douglas-Waltz/dp/1453783342/ref=sr_1_21?s=STORE&ie=UTF8&qid=1285149870&sr=8-21

It's also available on Kindle;

http://www.amazon.com/NAHUM-ebook/dp/B0043VDXAG/ref=sr_1_5?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285149828&sr=8-5

And here's what it looks like;

So...

2010-09-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

yeah, I should have done some homework today, but I didn;t feel like it. Tomorrow is another day and that will be fine. I do have class tomorrow. I had to walk to get Dandy from her afterschool program and the hill sucked! It made me think that I might want to add onto my bike riding regimen and qigong. I have been meditating off and on but the time for it never seems right. I'm sure it will fall in line with the qigong soon. I posted my book, NAHUM onto Kindle for sale. So far I have sold a single paper copy, but I hope that the Kindle sales will go well.
That's it for now.

SO..

2010-09-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

Many moons ago when my daughter Delia was less than a year old, my lovely wife, Matha, had a dog named Faith. Faith was a mixed breed who was pretty damned smart. She had a litter of pups who all went to homes. Then, when we lived on East Main she had a second set of pups that set about her demise. Faith went crazy and she had to be put down. Two of her pups went out to homes and were returned. Mickey and Cassidy. Two more different pups there never were. Cassidy had long hair while Mickey's was short. Cassidy was mostly black while Mickey was black and white. Mickey got cancer while, to date, Cassidy was fine.
Mickey's cancer is considered inorperable and would do nothing to extend his quality of life. Mickey was always the grumbly old man who I now find myslef buying special treats for and giving extra hugs and kisses to. Mickey is the one where day to day we guess how long he will be with us and if we will ahve to call the vet to see how mcuh it costs to put him down.
I plan on burying Mickey here at our current address. I will make sure that his earthly remains have a deep, undisturbed place.
But, currently Mickey is still with us and I remember the gangly black and white pup who had actually been given away but returned when we found that he had been abused. Mickey was the dog that grumbled at children depending on their age. A small child could pull at his ears with nothbing more than a grumble, but the older they got the more grief they got. Mickey was aware of the age of our children and behaved accordingly.
Mickey has trouble getting up and down the stairs now and I realize that he won't be with us for much longer.
It killed me to write that last sentence.